Unfortunately,
this is a question I seem to ask myself a lot. It’s kind of like the moment you
decide to go crazy with the delete button on Facebook, something else I need to
do. Last year I did away with the bad “friends” I had floating around. You know
the type...people who talk about you behind your back, keep things from you
that would be useful for you to know, enjoy stabbing the knife so deep into
your back that their hand gets stuck...that type!
That left
me with a few really good friends, some mediocre friends, and acquaintances.
Not too shabby right? That’s what I thought. Somewhere down the line, 1 or 2 of
those really good friendships seemed to have come to a halt. Why you ask? Your
guess is as good as mine. The last things I remember of those friendships are
making dinner for said friends, and catching a movie with other said friends. Perhaps
the meal I prepared was too bland? Should I have provided wine? Maybe I should
have offered to pay for their movie ticket? Sprung for popcorn? Not quite sure
what I did or didn’t do so if anyone has an idea, feel free to share.
Now for
those mediocre friendships. Some of those mediocre friendships were originally
placed in the really good friendships category, but got demoted to mediocre
because somewhere down the line, they turned into one-way friendships. Try to
stay with me folks. One-way friendships are those in which YOU are ALWAYS the
one initiating conversation via text, Facebook etc..., YOU are ALWAYS the one
making plans to hang out, YOU are ALWAYS the one to do cool and interesting
things for the other person or people, YOU are ALWAYS the one to view plans
falling through as disappointing and do what you can to reschedule, and YOU are
the ONLY one who sees all of the above as problematic.
Often I get
sick of being the person carrying the friendship. Every now and then I conduct
these little experiments to confirm that these little factors aren’t just all
in my head. I’ll pick one of my mediocre friendships and stop being the person
who initiates conversation and plans. You know what happens when I do that? Nothing,
nothing at all. I don’t hear from them, I don’t see them, nothing! Depending on
who this person is, I’ll usually end this experiment and text them a friendly “How’s
it going? You wanna do something this weekend?”
However,
2012 may go a little differently. I’ll probably conduct this same experiment as
usual, but once the silence settles in, that’ll be that. No more texting to see
how they are, no more calling to make plans, no more commenting on their
Facebook statuses (because they’ll have been deleted of course), no more! I’m
23, going on 24 in a few short months, in school working towards a degree in
public relations, trying new things every week.....I don’t have time to fight
for these types of friendships. One-way battles are too much work and often a
waste of time. It sucks because I know that in doing this, I will lose friends
that I really do care about. But is it worth it to keep people in your life
that you love, but whose lives would be uninterrupted by the loss of you as a
friend?
Not 100%
sure I’ll go through with this master plan, but it is definitely something that
needs to be done.
New Year,
new things, new friendships...new Charmaine.
No More Drama- Mary J. Blige
